playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Pooping to opera.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
