dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
