I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize