literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize