she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it hurts more in the daytime
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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