Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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