Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
