ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
