we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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