$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
