lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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