Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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