There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
