yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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