Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
