I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
