it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found puke in my bra..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
