6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
