and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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