you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
