my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
