My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dick very happy bro
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
