This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your penis caused this!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
