I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
