I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
