I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
