Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
