it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
