I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
