Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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