I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
