I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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