There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
