i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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