Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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