my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
