i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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