Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize