A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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