I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
