if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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