So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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