I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
