Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
