This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
