I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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