Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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