yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
