Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
