I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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