Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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