The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
