hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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