his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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