Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.