I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.