I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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