have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
