Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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